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I'm an old, old, woman, 76th birthday coming up. Widowed at 39, remarried at 71.

During the years I was a 'single' I went on lots of tours with a friend or relative, or traveled by myself.

After getting married again, hubby went on two European tours with me, several extended road trips here in the States, and guess we flew to Florida once.

This past summer we had reservations for a Rhine-Mosel cruise and hubby was hospitalized the day we were to leave. He's since decided he doesn't choose to travel anymore.

So I called a friend I'd traveled with a couple times and she and I are leaving for a tour of Tunisia in October.

Some of us enjoy traveling, others obviously are content to stay home--we're all different. Much depends on your hubby--will he mind if ypu go without him? Will you be comfortable leaving him home alone?

Hi jerseysusan,

I'm in a similar situation with my SO of over 8yrs. He likes local, or not too far off road trip vacations that involve a day at the beach and a relazing dinner (Maine, Wildwood, Florida etc etc) I LOVE that also, but I would LOVE to go somewhere a little more exotic. He is warming up to the idea....the more we do stuff together the more open he becomes but it is frustrating.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Paris...he knows that, and I think the city interests him somewhat so that would probably be the first place we'd end up going. Either that or somewhere in Italy as he would like to see his roots a bit, as he's Italian.

Good luck, don't give up, keep mentioning new things, new places etc you never know what might spark his interest.

Layla

I have gone on trips with family members which has worked out great. I told my DH that I would start seeing Europe when our kids were old enough to enjoy it. I have seen some pretty great place with them and with my parents or inlaws.

One year my husband went with us to France but he didn't really enjoy going. He hates to fly & wasn't happy about fitting too much activity into each day. He wasn't really interested in "seeing the sites."

As you know half the fun is planning your trip, and the anticipation. It's hard when you can't share this with your mate.

If you love to travel as we all do, then go- and go anyway you can. As already mentioned, find a friend, go alone, go with a small adventure group, but go. You will just be angry at your husband and yourself for not doing it. Life's too short. He will understand that this is something you can't pass up.

I love European travel, and new places. DH prefers road trips in the US, places he's been before. So we compromise. One year it is Europe with him, the next year it is road trip in the US, the following year it is Europe without him (usually with my best friend). It ends up fine, as long as I don't travel with DH and best friend at the same time (they try to kill each other while traveling, though they get along fine in small doses.)

Hi Green Dragon - We did a US road trip this summer. It worked out pretty well. My husband and 21 year old son drove to San Francisco from our home in NJ, as my DH hates to fly. My 15 year old daughter & I flew to SF to meet them after school ended. From there we drove down the coast to LA & eventually drove back to NJ, making several stops along the way.
I think this trip was a success for my DH as he spent time in a few places he was comfortable in, Disneyland, Dallas,Nashville. Also eating in some chain restaurants he likes helped. As for me we visited many spots I always wanted to see, I got to eat in a lot of fun restaurants and the scenery was spectacular.
This trip was a good compromise.

I WAS married to an unadventurous traveler who began to resent my exotic world travel, passed on what would have been our 6th African photosafari together, an amazing 4 week long holiday to the very best places in South Africa and Botswana (Conde Nast Traveler Best In The World type places).

I was told that she was not going on that trip and that if I wanted there to be a marriage that I would also cancel. I did not cancel and had the time of my life and filed for divorce on my return home (12 years together, 6 of them married, no children).

Since then, I have been back to Africa twice last year--each time with a different woman I was fond of) and went to Mexico City twice last year with my ex-girlfriend who also accompanied me on one of the African safaris.

I am finishing this year with an amazing 3 week trip to India with my new love interest.

Life is too short to spend with a partner who does not have a similar LOVE of travel and whether it works out with my current love interest or not (who loves travel), I don't ever see myself being with someone who does not embrace world travel and different cultures.

I am proof that unadventurous spouses can be converted into adventurous ones! My husband was NOT a traveller at all. Before I met him, he had never been out of the country! I used to suggest trips all the time when we were dating and he would never want to go. But gradually, he got into it -I started "small" with US trips - Alaska, Grand Canyon, San Francisco - then made the leap to Europe and so forth. Last year, my husband was more excited than I was to go to Africa!! If it's possible, he is now more into adventure & travel than I am - and that says a lot...I would see if you can coax your husband gently into trying new things and see if he warms up to it.

If not, GO BY YOURSELF OR FIND A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER to travel with! I did the same thing during my husbands non-adventurous days. I refused to sit home so I did many trips with my family or friends - I am glad those days are over though, but I would not hesitate to do it again as travelling is too important to me to sit it out. Good luck!!

roccco - sounds like you do a lot of fabulous travelling. That's great. It sounds like your wife recented your trips a great deal. My husband doesn't actually recent them, just doesn't want to go. I agree however that it is difficult when you don't share an interest with your mate.
alldaytravel - I'm happy to hear that some people change. Who knows maybe I'll be that fortunate. In the meantime I'll continue to travel with whoever amongst my family & friends agree to go with
me.

Author: geribrum
Date: 09/22/2008, 06:05 pm
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And "stay at home" is not an option!!

Rocco, if I ever get rid of my unadventurous husband, I'd love to go on those trips with you

jerseysusan, I would love to know what you all do in Wildwood, Florida. I think of that as being just the end of the turnpike. I pass through a lot and if there actually something of interest there it might be nice to stop.

My partner likes to travel, but not to 3rd world countries as I do. He had to leave Mexico early a few years ago because he could not abide having to put the used toilet paper in the trash (due to poor plumbing.) So I go, either alone or with a friend.

Hi cimbrone - I haven't been to Wildwood. I believe that was mentioned by aucho53. I know there is a Wildwood in NJ, maybe that is what aucho53 is refering to.

Yes, you're right, it was aucho53. Sorry for the mistake.

And you're also certainly right about Wildwood, NJ. It's kind of funny to think of someone vacationing in Wildwood, FL. Perhaps someone with a fascination with rest stop cuisine. Pickled eggs anyone?

I don't think there is much more to Wildwood than truck stops and a small town. I live about an hour away in Gainesville. I've driven through several times Oh! I blinked. Must have missed it.

Hi jerseysusan-

I wouldn't call my husband "unadventurous", but when I first met him, the only places he's been to outside of the US are Canada and the UK.

He's the kind who'd rather stay home and go to work than go on a trip. But he knows I love to travel.

I find that it is possible to change a person, though in our case, we're still sort of "newly-weds" (we've been married for 3 years). Since then, I've taken him to France (3x), Belgium, Vienna, and Venice.

Once he gets there, he does enjoy the experience. However, I soon find out that his travel style is different than mine. He likes to take his time, sit down for a coffee etc. So, I gradually adjusted our trips to cut down the # of sights per day and add in leisure time.

Having said that, I still take trips on my own because he doesn't have much vacation time. I went to Spain and UK solo this year, Germany last year.

He doesn't mind that I go alone because he understands that I love to travel. He used to worry a lot when I'm abroad, but now that I've got a phone that we can TXT one another, I think that makes him feel better.

However, it sounds to me that you've been married for a long time. I worry that if he hasn't changed all these years, I wonder if he'll change now.

Hi yk - Yes we have been married for a long time, 28 years. For many of the early years travel wasn't really an option as we couldn't afford it. When we had kids we started to go to Disney World quite a lot. The issue of my travelling for real has actually only become any issue in say the last 5 or 6 years. As I mentioned I have been going without him. However it is hard to teach an "old dog" new tricks, especially one that doesn't like to fly.
The idea of not seeing as much as I want during the day would totally frustrate me. Maybe I'm selfish but I usually try to fit in as much as possible each day, using the logic that there are so many places I want to visit that maybe I won't get another chance to see more of a particular city or country.
We have discussed trips where my husband would relax for much of the day while I spent time sightseeing.
However there are many many more places that I would like to see than him.

When I wrote that I would schedule fewer sights per day, what I really meant is that no more 6am wake-up calls and no more 12-hr nonstop sightseeing days.

I still remember that when we were in Venice for our honeymoon (!), I was annoyed by my husband that he wanted to sit down for lunch! How dare he! All I could think of at that time was "why are we wasting precious time sitting down for lunch, when we could just grab a to-go panini and eat while we walk to the next museum?"

Nonetheless, after 3 years of marriage, I made an effort to make sure we do sit down for all 3 meals each day, and if we can't get to such-and-such museum, it's okay. With taking on a slightly more leisurely travel style, my husband has shown me how to slow down and smell the roses so to speak. And of course, a happier spouse makes a happier vacation for both of us!

Here's an idea. Does your husband have another interest, one not associated directly with travel (golf, scuba, art, railroads, whatever). Consider a trip that he could do that, but in an interesting location, maybe even take lessons, so golf (Ireland), scuba (Red Sea), art (South of France), railroads (Switzerland). My husband is into investments and so I arranged in Tokyo to see the Japanese stock exchange (they have public tours) and the Turkish stock exchange (I emailed their public relations director in Istanbul and got a private tour). Ok, it's not my thing but it sure got him excited.

laurie_ann - good thought. That's why last year he was interested in going to London - he is very into music. We changed plans because the exchange rate was so bad. Instead we took a US road trip which probably cost us much more than it should with the rising gas prices.

My DH and I have the same dichotomy. He likes relaxing, I like sightseeing and exploring. He hates flying and loves road trips - I'm the other way around. Caveat: I love road trips in other countries

Posted too quickly!

I found that when i travel with DH, as long as I give him an occasional day to himself at the hotel/b&b, I can go off on my own. That way we travel together, but he gets his relaxation time and I get my sightseeing.

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. In that time, we have only been on one extended trip together, by ourselves.

She went to San Francisco in 1998 (with her parents), and for the last 3 years we have gone to her parents' cottage in northern Ontario - with her parents!

My wife is an educated person (lawyer) and is very interested European history/food, etc. I'm wanting to go to the UK or Ireland - she has never been there, but I'm sure she would love it - she says so too.

I'm tempted to buy 2 airline tickets and just say "We're going". I hate to do that without her agreement first - but some people need a little push.

when I met my husband he had never left the country. I started him off easy, with a trip to the Caribbean. then our honeymoon trip to Greece. Over the years we've done like yk, and compromised a bit. I slow down the pace of the trips a little bit so we aren't on the move all the time, and he has a good time. We also do a little like Greendragon and alternate our trips between more fast paced, sightseeing trips and beach weeks. I happen to like relaxing beach trips too, so I'm okay with that.

the biggest issue we have now is that he isn't really very adventuresome in terms of where he'll go, and he HATES plane flights longer than 5-6 hours. I don't think I'll ever get him to go to Asia or Africa. Australia is a hard sell. And we haven't done anything in South America either. Plenty of Europe and North America, though.

I can always travel with a friend or with my mom, and have done so. But when I only get a few weeks of vacation a year, its pretty tough to tell him I want to go off to Cambodia for 2 weeks with my mother, and not spend a week in Cape Cod with him.

Oh c_cat - I feel for you. If he doesn't like plane rides for more the 5-6 hours, can you break up the trip a bit? Say E coast to Paris, then Paris to Asia (that's about 10 hours I think).

Or E Coast to W Coast, W Coast to Hawaii, Hawaii to Asia.

Of course that eats up a lot more vacation time and probably costs much more, but that's an option I suppose.

It is so hard to convince someone to fly when they hate to do it. The last time my DH flew it was to Paris. This was the first time he got on a plane in years. He use to fly without a problem but developed a fear of it after some bad experiences.
Anyway this flight to Paris was quite the experience. He wasn't sure he would get on the plane until the last minute. He held my hand in a death grip for the first hour. Fortunately he slept for most of the rest of the flight.
Now I'm not sure if he will get on a plane again. I know he won't for a domestic flight as he feels he can drive instead.
Oh well miracles do happen.

I guess now I consider myself lucky.
My husband isn't an adventurous traveller, he likes sticking to Europe or the U.S. possibly Canada.
But nowhere too edgey. India would be out of the question and I'm hoping he will see the light about South America.

When we first started getting serious I made it plain that I was going to go with or without him and he got a passport and loves it.

At least you can go without him, even if he's not thrilled. If my husband wouldn't go at least he'd be home to feed the dog.

In reading forums devoted to solo travel I get the distinct impression that "DH doesn't want to go" is the most common reason for anyone to consider solo travel. Or maybe it's tied with "I'm single and none of my friends want to go. Is it safe for a woman to go alone?" So there's nothing really unusual about this thread.

On the other hand, David_Perry is the first example I've seen of a man who is more interested in travel than his wife. (I'm sure there are many other men with this problem, but I haven't seen them write about it.)

yk, we were looking at Hawaii to Australia for next year,but I don't think it will work out. I also tried to sell him on Vancouver-Hong Kong (as part of the TTG GTG), but that didn't seem to engage him either.

Part of the problem is he just isn't that interested in Asia or Africa, so I have a hard time convincing him to take the long trip. Plus there are so many other places we want to go, they always end up ahead of these (the comment is along the lines of "why go to Hong Kong when we haven't been to Alaska yet!"). So its a constant negotiation, and always changing. I may talk him into it some day, I hope.

I am a married woman who usually travels alone. This is for various reasons but mainly because my DH has no interest in some of the places I want to go. I like independent travel but not w/o a travel partner so I usually end up joining a tour group. Once I'm with the group I have friends and I'm never alone. I've met a lot of married women in these groups who are in the same boat. I realize most Fodorites aren't into tours, but it does work for me under these circumstances.

P_M, how does your DH feel about you going on vacation without him? does he do other things, or not take vacation at all? my problem is if I travelled with others (tour, or friends or family) he feels left out, even if its not somewhere he wants to go. And he wants to take vacation with me, its not like he's going to go on a fishing trip with buddies, while I go to Angkor Wat with my mom.

china_cat, he's actually pretty cool about it and he understands my passion for travel and adventure so I don't think he feels left out. He likes travel to a point but he does not have the passion for it that I have. Furthermore he has no interest in adventure travel so I know he would not enjoy a trip to a rustic lodge in the Peruvian jungle or a hike on the Inca Trail. (both of which I did this year)

I know he misses me a lot when I'm gone and he does keep busy doing things around the house. Whenever I come back from a trip we always have the best looking yard in the neighborhood.

Aside from being less adventurous than me, he has a hard time getting away from work. When he does get time off it's usually just a day or two. That's when he enjoys fishing with the guys and he has my blessings to spend few days at the coast if that's what he wants to do. I'm tempted to say he's just as happy fishing at the coast as he would be doing anything else, but I do not share his love of fishing.

DH started a new job recently where he might get more time off. Once he has vacation time built up I hope we can travel together more. But I still have considerably more vacation time than he does so I will probably take a few more adventure-type tours on my own.

Hi P_M - your DH sounds just like mine, except for the fishing part.

china_cat - I travel a lot solo without my husband too. Like P_M's DH, mine can't take much time off... it's just the kind of work he does. So, he keeps himself pretty busy when I'm gone. In fact, I'm 100% sure that he works late when I'm gone, and he works all weekend.

The only thing he doesn't like when I'm gone is that he worries about me, esp if I'm alone in Europe somewhere. I tend to travel w/my mom +/- my dad within the US, but mostly solo for my European trips.

So I finally caved in and bought a phone that works abroad, so I could TXT him once a day. I think it makes him feel much better, knowing that I have access to a phone in case something happens.

Hi yk. What did we ever do w/o international cell phones? My DH agrees, it is nice to have a way to contact me anytime of the day or night. And it's a comfort to me because I know people can reach me if necessary.

I was doing just fine, IMO! I have gone on many trips w/o a phone for years, and finally caved in earlier this year.

Ah, there's the difference. I actually have LESS vacation time than my DH, since he's been at his current job longer. We both have a hard time actually getting the time off. So when we do, we tend to prefer to spend it together. I only get 3 weeks, he gets 4.

It is true that when I'm away he works late, just like your DH, yk.

He's gotten better over the years though, about going new places. I still think I might get him to go on an African safari someday, if we save up enough money to go on a really nice one. Might even get him to give Costa Rica a try. but China, Japan and Southeast Asia are probably going to have to wait for a long time.

Not me - it was an important part =of getting to know each other - would not have connected with him if the view were different

I don't think my fiance is unadventurous so much as under traveled. I think he is just a bit afraid of the shock of a country that is quite different than our own. So I'm starting him off with easy countries first (Italy, Austria ect..) before I throw him in to something like riding elephants through the jungles of Thailand.

Another idea that might help you plan a trip with your husband is "alcohol tours or festivals" like wine tours, wine festivals, beer tours and so on.
I'm not a big drinker but I like wine tours

I'm single and love to travel and try new things. However, no one share my interests, my friends aren't adventurous and every man I met are not into exploring new places and other cultures.
If you have a friend or a family member that is willing to travel with you, just GO!

One of the reasons (besides financial) that I keep working as a flight attendant is that my husband of more than 30 years doesn't care to travel-ironic that he used to work for the airlines as well? Now I travel alot with my adult children who live overseas and plan yearly family holiday trips that he has to go on.
Its so sad that my DH has pass benefits and a wife that likes to plan trips but still prefers to read and sit in his Lazy Boy chair?