TamaraEden

I was curious if any of you have travelled with someone you know, but maybe not super well? I am travelling to Europe with a friend I met a few years ago online. We live in different states so we've only met in person once. We communicate all the time, and though he's of the opposite sex, there is absolutely NO romantic interest there.

Just curious if any of you have travelled with someone other than a close friend or romantic partner?

Please share your stories.

francophile03

I know of a couple of people who have done the same thing as you. Unfortunately for one of them it turned into a crush and was a disaster. These types of things are a bit hard to predict sometimes. The two of them started out chatting as online friends.

ira

Hi TE,

It is always a risk traveling with someone you don't know well.

Aside from whether the person you met online might turn out to be a serial killer, you might not be at all compatible in terms of how much time to spend doing what, where and how.

You love seafood, he hates it.

You like to spend an hour or so at a cafe, sipping wine and people watching. He wants to move on after 10 min. etc, etc, etc.

My Lady Wife and I sometimes have to spend an hour away from each other, and we have been traveling together for years.

Get your itinerary, room arrangements, financial arrangements, etc all sorted out and in writing before you commit to anything.

Have a lovely trip.

ekscrunchy

I think it makes a big difference whether or not you are remaining in one or two places or plan to be traveling to many destinations. If you are going to be in, for example, Paris for 5 days and Nice for 5, I see no problem. You do not have to stick together 24/7; maybe go your own way and meet for lunch and/or dinner and nightlife. One night choose where to eat and let him choose the other night. You want to hang out at Bon Marche all afternoon and he does not, so meet up with him later on. I really cannot see any problem with this, providing of course that you at least like this person and want to spend at least some time with him.

On a trip where you will be contantly on the move, it might be a bit more difficult, as there are more choices to be made...what time to take the train, which hotel to stay at, etc. etc. Planning your itinerary in advance would minimize the chance for problems.

That said, I took a 5 day road trip in Turkey last fall with two guys, one of which was the brother of a friend and the other who I did not know at all but was the ex-husband of the same friend. Neither of these guys was up for much planning so they let me choose the route and the hotels. Once in a town, we either stuck together or went our own ways..it was all loose and informal and we each had a wonderful time with no problems whatsoever.

suze

I had a great trip to Europe about five years ago (but not with an 'almost stranger') with a coworker and casual friend. It worked out great and we have since become very close friends.

Clearly work out the financial and sleeping arrangements ahead of time is my best advice.

laclaire

Be as clear as possible because even if there is no romantic possibility, he might think that if you spend enough time together, there will be. This happened to me with someone who came to visit me and it was a disaster in every sense of the word.

In other news, when I was in Morocco this summer, I was alone. However, in Fez I met a bunch of people who were headed to Marrakech the same day I was, so we all got our tickets together. Once we were there, we decided to stay at the same hotel and as there was an odd number, I shared a room with 2 of the people. I hardly knew them and it ended up being an incredibly memorable experience. Some of us went to the dessert for a few days, then we all met up on Essouira a few days later. . . by the end I knew everyone very well and now keep in touch with them all. However, even towards the end, there was never an expectation of us being one cohesive group, which was nice.

Claire

celticdreams

I travelled to England for a week with a woman I met right here on Fodors. We corresponded for quite a while via email before we went and had some mutual friends and many mutual interests. We had a great time!

TamaraEden

Sounds like a mixed bag of experiences. This person is safe, we've met, and have been in contact for about 3 years. As far as interests go, we discussed all this. We are interested in doing mostly the same stuff. The Jewish historical places we both are interested in since we're both Jewish. We both like to just walk and see stuff. Experience the culture and history. He studied history in college so that's his thing. He might like lingering longer at art museums than I. In this case, we go our own way. I love art, just not sure if he's the type to stare for 30 min. at one painting .

Both of us already have our plane tickets and emailed itineraries to each other. We've booked our hotels. Since we're staying at 4 different ones, he booked two on his credit card and I booked two on mine.

All our rooms have twin beds. And it's clear hey will remain twin beds. I think i'll mention this once more since a friend last night suggested he could get the wrong idea. But this guy, he's sorta quiet, totally not someone I'd date. This is a good thing because confused feelings could be bad for a vacation.

Oh, and we both agreed that if for some reason we aren't getting along, we cancel our reservations and do our own thing. No hard feelings.

Christina

I've never traveled with someone I barely knew as just a couple -- I have with a group of people, of course, where I did know my travel partner well, but not someone else in the party.

I would never do this myself with any gender, because you never know how you are going to get along with someone you haven't even met in person or spent any real time with. Perhaps my experiences are not the norm, and you supposedly know this other guy well enough that you think you know what to predict -- but in my experience, regardless of any platonic, just friends claims, etc., sex always comes up sooner or later when you are alone with a guy for a long time, or going out with him "just as friends", etc. They always end up hitting on you. This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with "romance", it's sex. Guys have a lot of hormones, they have trouble thinking of other things, especially if they like you and find you attractive (which would be normal, wouldn't it?).

Christina

My post just passed yours -- you are sharing a bedroom with this guy??!!!!

this sounds like a disaster. Telling the guy that you don't find him attractive, he's not your type, and thinking that's that is kinda ... well, I know what I'd think. well, maybe the guy is neuter or asexual.

TamaraEden

Christina--That's an honest post. Trust me, there will be NOTHING sexual going on. This guy probabally wouldn't have the balls to make a pass at me first off. Second, I don't understand why so many people find it hard to believe that a man and a woman can have a completely platonic friendship. It CAN and DOES happen. I have lots of guy friends. I think it's sort of unfair to assume that men in general will eventually want sex from a female friendship.

ekscrunchy

Tamara I think it sounds fine. Of course you can travel or just be friends with a guy and not have him expect sexual contact. You sound like you have it together and I would not worry in the least. If he acts inapproriately, you can get another room!

tower

Tamara...take it from a guy with 55 years of blissful married life...and absolutely no experience with traveling anywhere alone with a stranger of the opposite sex...but in my very humble but age-wise opinion what you're planning is perfectly OK, as long as the precautions suggested above are followed. History is also my bag, as a writer of historical novels...so I can see that having such similar interests, even religiously and ethnically speaking, will be a plus to your keeping a platonic relationship just that way! Go, have fun, don't let anything stand in the way, and if it turns out that you BOTH become more attracted to each other sexually, so what! Stop worrying about it...that's the worst thing you can do before embarking on a European trip...and as my Eskimo grandma would say...Zay gezint!

Stu T.

nytraveler

It is perfectly possible for a man and woman to have a platonic relationship. BUT - to put that possibility to the test in a situation in which you will be sleeping alone in the same room for many nights in a row with a man you have never really spent time with is very risky.

I have done this with a platonic male friend - but had known him in person for several years and knew he was gay. I would not risk it with a man I had not known in person for a substantial amount of time.

As one poster mentioned - hormones do exist, and a nice/dinner with wine, and (even if unintentionally) romantic walk can change one's perspective. And once he (or you) starts down that path the trip could be extremely awkward - resulting in misunderstandings and very hurt feelings at the least.

ira

>Guys have a lot of hormones, they have trouble thinking of other things, especially if they like you ...<

Well, I am outraged. Men can think of other things, and often

Umm, what was the question?

Worktowander

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally Albright: Why not?

Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: No you don't.

Sally Albright: Yes I do.

Harry Burns: You only think you do.

Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: They do not.

Harry Burns: Do too.

Sally Albright: How do you know?

Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry Burns: I guess not.

ira

I don't quite understand the concenr about a possible sexual realtionship here.

If two adults decide they like each other, it's their own business.

If A makes a pass at B and she lets it go by, that doesn't have to mean that the trip will be ruined.

"Oh, gee. I never thought that you felt that way about me. I'm so flattered. Didn't I tell you I am Lesbian/Gay? I hope that this won't ruin the trip."

Have a good time, TE.



PS, You both should view "It Happened One Night" with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert.

TamaraEden

This thread is cracking me up!

Work to Wander--Thanks for the Harry Burns routeine

Ira--the topic was travel...not sex

Stu--You write travel novels? Care to share some titles? I teach English so books and travel are a double bonus for me.

EK--Thanks, I do have it together. Been on my own since young and single for a long time. Holding out for the right own. Which brings up another topic that a friend mentioned last night. He says sex will happen. I'm telling him it's not. Then I explained that when a woman (especially) gets it in her mind that she doesn't want to go "there" until she knows there's a serious relationship...and she goes as long as I have (LOL) Did I just share that? As I was saying...I'm clear, I ain't throwing it away for a confusing week or two in Europe. LOL

Don't get me wrong, my travel friend is a good person...but not for me.

Keith

Although I haven't "traveled" with near strangers, I have shared expensive rooms at conventions with near stangers at least 5 times.

Two poor experinces:

Person who was sharing the room didn't make the trip and did not get word to me until I was there.

One of two people sharing a triple was difficult in a number of ways. For example the room was booked with his charge card and he told the hotel to block outgoing local telephone calls, without telling us he had done it. I spent a day and a half trying to use dialup internet before I found out the problem.

Keith

tower

Tamara: You sure have gotten a threead going here...
Stu T. [email protected]