"Tea for One" - Crazy Mina's Afternoon Tea Experience at Brown's
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"Tea for One" - Crazy Mina's Afternoon Tea Experience at Brown's
This was not my first trip to London...I was stopping by on my way to Ireland, where I was spending the bulk of my vacation. <BR><BR>I went alone (as I normally vacation solo). As a 29 year old (and I plan to state my age a lot this year) single gal, I had a marvelous time, both in London and Ireland.<BR><BR>Instead of posting a trip report that says "I did this and saw that", I thought for London, I would focus on one aspect of my trip: Afternoon Tea. A lot of questions are asked on this board about it, so I thought my experience may be of interest to some.<BR><BR>I wrote this while abroad (I wrote a series of stories to send back to friends and colleagues). I hope you enjoy it, and do go easy on me (my first report here on the Europe forum)...this board can sometimes be hard on trip reporters!
If I don't get slammed too much, I will post an Ireland report in a day or two.<BR><BR>Also, please read this with the tongue in cheek tone that was intended. And now...
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"TEA FOR ONE"<BR><BR>The one thing that most tourists feel compelled to do in London is have afternoon tea. To do it right, you have to go to a posh London hotel like the Ritz, pay a ridiculous sum of money, and sit in a lovely drawing room feeling very proud of yourself. <BR><BR>The last time I was here, I was with some friends
some of whom did not have a lot of money to blow. So at that time, the opportunity to have a veddy veddy proper English tea was lost.<BR><BR>Deciding that tea at the Ritz was far too imposing for a commoner like me, I decided to have tea at the equally posh but more inviting Raffles Brown Hotel. I had wanted to make it my perfect London day so I started out touring the Westminster Abbey, then went shopping for a suitable shirt for tea (everything I brought was way too casual). Then it would be tea at Browns, followed by an evening play at the West End.<BR><BR>It was with some anticipation I got ready for my formal evening out. I had brought one pair of black slacks with me (purchased after much searching at home). I absentmindedly slipped into my slightly wrinkled pants, and blinked a couple of times when I struggled with the zipper.<BR><BR>Perplexed, I looked down and was stunned to discover that I had brought the wrong pants. My smart new cotton slacks were hanging in my closet, while I had brought THESE: my vile, microfiber, cheapo pants I wore at tradeshows! The pants I had purchased ages ago at a few pounds slimmer, and were now refusing to zip up all the way! <BR><BR>DAMN IT!<BR>
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Trying not to be too disappointed by this unforeseen outfit change, I put on my new ultrasuede shirt. I glanced at my reflection on the way out and sighed. I had bought these pants for tradeshows because I wore comfortable flat shoes and these pants didnt drag on the ground. Unfortunately, now I looked like Noah should have built me an ark because I was flooding in a big way. They looked completely silly with the heeled boots I had bought specifically for this evening.<BR><BR>Still, I made it to the hotel, and tried to be most dignified when I gave the name the reservation was under. Of course, miss, the distinguished gentlemen said, Right this way.<BR><BR>He led me to a warm, yet grand drawing room filled with dark woods and oversized chenille chairs in various shades of burgundy and cream. He pointed out my choices to sit
both tables were in the center of the room, within easy view of the door. <BR><BR>I must have looked a little nervous, because he offered me a third choice: a lovely booth in the corner. I smiled gratefully and told him I would love to sit in the booth, as it was much better for people watching.<BR><BR>Very good miss, leaning towards me a little, he said conspiratorially Its the seat that Princess Diana would have chosen.<BR><BR>Feeling a bit like a princess myself, I took a seat in the cozy booth. I took a look around and was impressed with the serving ladies. Well dressed in tidy white shirts and burgundy skirts, they wore sensible hose (nude, as I would imagine they arent allowed to wear sexy black hose. Some wore the dreaded suntan color that you stop wearing at 12 years old and dont wear again until youre 80). <BR><BR>I began to feel a bit out of place. The room was filled with older ladies and gentlemen. To my right was a group of very handsome people. They were chicly dressed
especially the three perfectly coiffed blonde women, with their big diamonds sparkling in the soft light. <BR>
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I was asked if I would like autumn or afternoon tea. I couldnt tell much of a difference and was momentarily perplexed as to what to choose, since it happened to be both autumn and afternoon. I settled for afternoon tea. She then asked me what kind of tea I would like.<BR><BR>I glanced down at the tea invitation. I couldnt pronounce half of them. Feeling dumber by the minute, I said Earl Grey, please. Two words, one syllable each. Rather impossible to screw up.<BR><BR>I watched the lady go to the good-looking group of people to take their tea orders. Eavesdropping, I could tell they were also American. They all ordered afternoon tea over the autumn tea. Then, she started to ask the ladies in the group what tea they chose.<BR><BR>Ill have a dar-jling, one lady said.<BR><BR>Oh, you will have the dar-jeh-ling? confirmed the serving lady. She sounded the slightest bit amused.<BR><BR>Oh, um, yes. The dar-jeh-ling.<BR><BR>The serving lady turned her attention to the gentlemen. And you sir?<BR><BR>Um
.Ill have what I can pronounce. Earl Grey.<BR><BR>Yeah, me too, then next gentlemen said Earl Grey.<BR><BR>And so they ordered
four Earl Greys and two Darjeelings (now that they knew how to pronounce it). The entire time I listened, I sat with a most gratified smile on my face. It was extremely satisfying to know that I was not the only dolt in the room.<BR><BR>Americans can go into a coffee shop, order a double shot of cappuccino mulatto with frothy foam and a dash of cinnamon, nutmeg, herbs and spices, whipped into a frenzy without batting an eyelash. But when asked the venerable question one lump, or two? we turn into blithering idiots. We are hopelessly ignorant about tea. All the glittering diamonds in the world on your fingers wont change that.<BR>
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My tea was presented to me in a confounding array of pitchers, jars, strainers, etc. She poured my first cup of tea and left me to fend for myself. Flummoxed, I began to feel uneasy again. <BR><BR>I took the silver tongs and nearly flung the lump across the room as I couldnt get a grip on the sugar. Looking uneasily for the cream, I spotted a smaller pitcher with a closed lid on the far end of the table and tried to peer down the spout to determine its contents. I slowly tipped it over my tea and retreated abruptly when something that looked suspiciously like hot water appeared. Feeling rather dejected, I spied the cream
.right next to my cup. <BR><BR>I may have been seated where Princess Diana would have sat, but I highly doubted she would have dumped hot water into her tea when the cream was right under her nose!<BR><BR>I had my glasses on, so I could observe the room better. As I took the first sip of my tea, I realized that my glasses were slipping off my nose. I had started to perspire from my nervousness! The glasses started to fog up, and I couldnt really see anything in front of me, much less the rest of the room. Forced to take off my glasses, I felt my body temperature start to rise to uncomfortable levels. <BR><BR>You see, both ultrasuede and microfiber (do a search on Fodors for microfiber to understand more about this sinister fabric
I was well warned by my fellow fodorites) are forms of polyester. That might not mean anything to you, but when you are in a room and start to feel warm, wearing polyester is a problem because it CANT BREATHE.<BR><BR>I felt my body growing clammy from perspiration. Seriously afraid I would overheat and blow a gasket, I tried to surreptitiously blow air into my face
and down my shirt! It was as if I was in a sauna
and pouring hot fluids into my body wasnt helping any. <BR><BR>All of this was going on while people were calmly going about their business of having tea. <BR>
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It took several minutes and several deep breaths to get the panic and perspiration under control. I guess at this point, you may be wondering why I paid around $50 dollars to sit in a fancy room and torture myself.<BR><BR>Dont think I wasnt asking myself the same question. I dont really get tea (as you can plain see) and a lot of British folk dont understand why American people pay wads of cash to sit and pretend to be fancy. For your $50 all you really get is the equivalent of two sandwiches with the crusts cut off, a pot of tea, a small glass of champagne, and a few scones the size of a ping pong ball.<BR><BR>But as I sat in the room, my body (now) at a comfortable temperature with a delightful assortment of cakes and cookies in front of me, I was content. Having tea in a posh hotel lets you get away from the craziness of London. I leaned back in my booth and listened to the melody drifting from the piano, and realized that $50 wasnt a bad price to pay for a couple hours of good people watching, fantastic tea, a few moments of severe discomfort, and the right to pretend to be fancy.<BR><BR>Sure, you could have tea in America. But then you wouldnt be an American having tea in London. Id even venture forth to say that Id do it again, and encourage anyone to have the experience, at least once. Trust me, you will enjoy it.<BR><BR>Just wear breathable fabrics.<BR><BR><BR>
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Mina,<BR><BR>Thanks for the great report! It brought back great memories of my first tea at Browns. I was lucky to have a friend with me who has lived in England for over 20 years guide me. English tea does get a lot of bashing here but the experience at Browns is well worth the effort! I could feel your "pain". Did you make it to the ladies room? They have a great Victorian fainting couch, it sounds like you could have used it! Bravo and keep the reports coming.