Tiff

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Seriously though, my poor Mom, I was a breech baby too - and lemme just tell ya, they didn't do c-sections back then. Ouch!

Best of luck to you travel addict, I think it is wise of you to think about such an important decision, I wish more people did.

Dohlice

I just want to say that asking for experiences from a wide range of people is not a bad idea and will not make her a bad mother! I research everything to death and it seems to me that that is what she's doing. Addict - I don't know why there are people here telling you that this question means you are definitely not mother material. If you were giggly and having one because you always wanted one without checking out what it might be like I would say that is more of a problem. I love that you asked this question and I love the actual responses you've gotten. If I asked my sisters they would say you should absolutely have a baby. But I'm pretty sure they just want me to drink the kool aid.

IamBooth

Why is it the more stupid a thread is, the more popular it becomes?

wow

Obviously, you do not belong among us, Iam Booth. See ya! Just keep scrolling.....

escargot

Nina, this "I was grateful when I was able to go to the bathroom without company.... " made me laugh ! But mostly because it hasn't ended - will I ever be able to close the bathroom door and not hear the phone still ringing only it's a 24 yr old or a 20 yr old looking for something, instead of when they were toddlers - of course the questions are different like, 'how do you make that chicken dish I need the recipe" - or "gee mom, is x amount a decent price to get this fixed in my car or is this guy taking advantage of me b/c I'm a 20 yr old kid?" !!! It never ends but it sure makes life fun !

Travel_Addict: regarding your own business, just some thought from me:
I too had my own business when my first was born - and my second until he was almost three, then it just took too much time and energy I need to give to them.

But when I did do it, (event planning) it was great because I could "make my own hours" - however, those hours were often very strange and tiring....like from midnight to 3am because that was the only time either the baby didn't need me, the baby chose not to nap that day, the baby had an ear infection, so many unplanned interruptions that the only time I could devote to some work related items was after the entire house was finally asleep !!

One week it would be perfect, work while they napped, have an afternoon 'mother's helper' for a few hours, etc - but if the baby needed to go to the Doctor, or wasn't feeling well, or then as a toddler had a bug that seemed to go from toddler to me to Dad to younger sibling and back through again, well, that week didn't go so well unless I burned the candle at both ends and was exhausted.

So, gave it up. Once they were in school I was lucky to find a job within walking distance of their school and only worked while they were in school - and could take time off to attend class outings, field trips, etc and after a while gave that up too.

Once they were both in college I actually went back also for a different degree and started a new business which is great !! BUT I still get interrupted with things in my kids lives that I want to be a part of but it is still a joy -

My niece lives 4 miles from me, she is 36 and has one baby (2) with another on the way this week -
she worked from home 3dys a week and would still have to SOS call me as in "I have a conference call today or have to do x, y or z for business and I just can't with the toddler climbing on my lap or waking from his nap early can you come over for just an hour?"

It can be done, but it is not easy. Children have a way of putting your schedule in an upheaval with no warning - just be prepared and realistic about that regarding your work.

I don't think you are nuts to post this question, you received a lot of good feedback. You will sift through the info and make up your mind, and no decision is a bad decision if it is what you and your husband decide is right for the two of you.

My mom used to say to me when everyone was giving advice on how to raise my kids - read all you can, listen to everyone's experiences and ideas, keep what you like, throw out what you don't, you'll make mistakes, we all do - but listen to your instinct and what works best for you" - good advice also for deciding on whether to even start a family I think.

Paucie

Heidi, I read your OP yesterday and I see that you've received heaps of helpful responses since then, but I still felt the need to reply because we're SO much alike, darn it! The more of your posts I've read, the more I see of myself in them and I wanted you to know that you're certainly not alone in facing this life-altering decision.

I am 37-years old and my husband is 31. I never thought I would feel particularly maternal until I met him and saw what an amazing partner in parenthood he would be. Suddenly, the prospect seemed much less daunting than the single-mother role I saw my own mom forced into. That was the first thing that started me thinking . . .

Since then, I can honestly say that I have experienced true biological changes (I have no better explanation for it) that have made me rethink my priorities. We have recently come to the decision that we'll probably never be fully "ready" for this dramatic change to our lives, but we do feel that we are willing to accept the emotional and physical challenges, which is something I was completely unsure of even just 2 years ago.

Oh, and I agree that being a doggie mommy has made a huge difference in my outlook! If nothing else, I've grown pretty immune to coming into contact with bodily fluids!

I liken this to the culture shock my friend in China tries to describe to me. I've never lived in Asia, so I can't fully relate to the strangeness she feels when she returns to the U.S. But, I have a better understanding of it than some people might who have never talked to an ex-pat, and I also would be more prepared for similar experiences if I ever did live overseas. We won't know all the secrets 'til we do it, right?

Bottom line: I respect you for not diving in and expecting the best to just happen for you. Whatever form your research takes, if it solidifies your decision either way, it's a positive thing, no?

Meanwhile, I don't know where you're located, but I bet I could bend your ear over a cup of coffee for an entire afternoon! I wish you luck!

T.

travel_addict

Glad to know I'm not alone, Paucie! I live in Michigan, where are you? Good luck with your decision too.

And thanks Escargot, for another business owner perspective. I suppose the only way to really find out if it's doable is to try it. If it doesn't work, the business may have to suffer for awhile.

Paucie

We're in Chicagoland. But, we've discussed moving somewhere less expensive to improve our home-buying options. (Yes, we're late bloomers all the way around!)

Happy birthday, by the way!

dherzogtx

Well, I have traveled alone and with kids. Either way is just fine. With kids you just have to pack accordingly, with appropriate age things to do. You cannot expect a child to stay on a plane for hours with nothing to do and be good.

Hotels have to be kid appropropriate too. Staying at the Ritz Carolton is quite gorgeous for us but little or nothing to do for children. There are plenty of 5 star hotels that have great pools and great kids clubs.

Just pick and choose accordingly.

You will be fine with or without.

Dawn

clelbong

I just wanted to comment on some of your concerns, I am a mother of two (an 11 month old and a 3 year old), and was once an avid traveller before the kids were born. Although you may feel that your family and doctor are pressuring you to have a child, they are correct in that the chances of you getting pregnant is very slim at 38. Sure, there are the exceptions, but the majority of folks have trouble after age 35. Historically and physiologically, women are most "ripe" for pregnancy in their late teens and early twenties. With more women focusing on their careers and marrying older, this timeline has changed of course, but the way that our ovaries work have not. That said, you may ask your doctor to do a post-menstral progesterone level as this may give you an idea of what your hormones levels are (reproduction specialists do it all the time before starting them on meds to see if what kind of infertility they are working with). If you don't care so much about having your own child, and are open to adopting, then forget everything I said.

I have altered my travel destinations and activities significantly since having children opting for more resort type activities, avoiding international travel (except canada and mexico), and strenuous activities (i.e. no whitewater rafting, or hiking kilmanjaro for a while). However, my husband and I do leave the kids once a year with the grandparents so we can have "one week" of childless travel. We still do many local weekend getaways (about every other month), and cross country trips about 3-4 times/year with little difficulty.

escargot

Travel_Addict: regarding your response to my post
"the only way to really find out if it's doable is to try it. If it doesn't work, the business may have to suffer for awhile. " - exactly, you don't know until you try - I was the one suffering (lack of sleep and trying to make 10 decisions at once) so instead of the business suffering a slow death I just closed it.
Took the different business direction years later - and don't regret it - you let some things go but get other things in return.

Personally, I have to give the 'higher satisfaction' award to being a parent vs. the satisfaction from my business

AZWildcat

clelbong--If travel-Addict did adopt, that child WOULD be her "own child", they just wouldn't be her "biological child".

Sorry to be so PC, but parents that adopt deserve for us to use the proper lingo...no thanks to our great media saying things like "Brad Pitt, a first-time father"...huh? He already adopted Angelina's two others kids, so he is a third-time father now! Okay, off my soap-box now! Again, clelbong--not trying to pick on you, and Addict--sorry to hijack your threat briefly.

AZWildcat

seetheworld

Sorry, travel_addict, all you get is my 2cents. See, I'm flat broke -- going to Europe this summer.

clelbong

AZWilcat- I just meant that if she's planning to adopt, she doesn't have to worry about the whole ovary/getting pregnant thing. I didn't mean to dismiss adopting, I'm sorry if I came across in that way.

wow

AZWildcat: Very good point!

AZWildcat

clelbong-no need to apologize-- I understood perfectly what you meant, and I'm sure Travel-Addict understood your point too. I just try my best to be a stickler when it comes to adoption language...alot of mothers feel it is important to educate people about the language of adoption, even if it's one conversation at a time. Hence, my soapbox. Again, not trying to pick on you!

AZWildcat

rapunzll

If you intend to have children, go ahead and start trying. It won't stop you from traveling. I firmly believe that traveling with children from an early age teaches them to be good travelers.
We traveled from the time our kids were young, from camping when the youngest was a couple of months old to traveling to Asia when we were moving there. There are things you can do to keep kids content on longer trips. I used to wrap small gifts and let them open one at intervals during the flight.

Traveling with children makes it a much richer experience, IMNSHO.

clelbong

AZWildcat- point taken! I guess I should have said "bear your child" or "get pregnant with your child"? It's ironic, because we are of Asian descent, and live in a mid-sized town with very little Asians, more than half of our Asian friends are adopted. Our next door neighbor has two adopted children and we are together all the time. I hope I haven't offended anyone.

clelbong

p.s. Didn't mean to totally get off the subject travel_addict!!

alya

Phew! if you get 170+ responses to a post within 36hrs then you know you have 'pushed' a button with the Fodors posters.


I don't think anyone can answer this question for you . As I see it the question is: Are you happy to go to your grave without having given birth or adopting? but:

1. yes, it is easy with a placid child and a placid parent - but you can't guarantee this.

2. Depends on the child and again the parents - if you turn out to be an overly concerned parent then you may want to delay your excursions and stay close to home

3.NEVER!!!!

You may want to consider this - I have friends who decided that September would be a good month to get pregnant since the birth date would be before the heat of summer. It took 3 years before they were pregnant and by that point they really didn’t care about he birth date; I wish you the best in whatever you decide

We did the opposite of your predicament and now we are in our early 40’s with grown children – was it easy? No, Children aren’t easy but they do enhance your life